Remakes that should be

It is an irrefutable fact that some remakes should never have been conceived. The Fog, Black Christmas, Halloween, The Omen... whoever thought of touching them should have left them alone.

On the other hand, there are films like The Thomas Crown Affair or The Last House on the Left that succeed in adding new dimensions to their stories and manage to improve on the originals. What rare gems they are.

But what about great ideas and not-so-great executions? Here is a list of films that are ripe for remakes yet doomed to stay in oblivion, since they justifiably seem to be lacking in popularity.

1. Sliver (1993) -- An attractive professional moves into a luxury condo rise that turns out to be a well of secrets. A great story dissolves into uninspired dialogue, senseless twists and a bland ending in this adaptation of Ira Levin's terrific literary shocker. I actually do have a fondness for this film and like its style, but I will be the first one to admit that it lacks cohesion. For a remake, I have always imagined Naomi Watts as Kay, Hayden Christensen as Zeke and Denzel Washington as Jack. I have also always wanted for the film to remain faithful to its source and for the cinematography to be a LOT darker, as in Stuart Dryburgh's works. For the director, I suggest David Cronenberg. Cronenberg + Levin = cinematic splendor.

2. Random Hearts (1999) -- I have always liked this idea. Spouses of plane crash victims discover that their better halves were having an affair, right before falling in love head over heels themselves. Intriguing, right? Unfortunately, the bare bones story is the only good thing about this melodramatic mess. The screenplay, based on a novel by Warren Adler, succeeds in making the perpetually engaging Harrison Ford and Kristin Scott Thomas seem confused at best. They probably cannot for the life of them figure out how they waded into this pool of romance cliches and insipid lines. "Are you a democrat?" Ugh. Someone should do it again, with much more attention to the characterizations and the writing in general. I suggest Sam Mendes, a virtuoso at setting up relationships and letting them unfold.

3. Dreamcatcher (2003) -- Lawrence Kasdan was the director. Timothy Olyphant, Thomas Jane, Damian "Homeland" Lewis and Morgan Freeman were only some of the actors in the talented cast. You could not go wrong with Stephen King's novel about four telepathic friends encountering an alien invasion... but the whole thing did. I am guessing the film's vision was lost somewhere between the fifteenth and umpteenth writer hired to re-write and dissect and blow up the screenplay. It seems that no one was able to decide whether they were remaking The Thing or doing a bargain basement version of Independence Day. In the end, we have a bit of sci-fi here, a splatter of horror there, drama throughout and a bad film all around. I truly wish they could remake the narrative, with exactly the same cast and a new script. Please let me suggest Gareth Edwards for the job.

4. The Avengers (1998) -- Seriously, what happened with this one? Once again, the disjointed screenplay comes to mind. It was supposed to be a slightly campy, slightly trippy flick about two British agents preventing a mad scientist from neutralizing the world. Still, all I can remember is something about teddy bear assassins and doppelgängers... and I cannot believe I just wrote that. Another thing I cannot believe is the caliber of actors that ended up in this trashy, Candyland-style chaos. Uma Thurman? Ralph Fiennes? Sean Connery? And just check out the supporting cast: Jim Broadbent, Eddie Izzard, Fiona Shaw. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, which does not mean that the classic TV series should not get another chance at cinematic glory. Maybe Joss Whedon should give it a go? Oh wait...

5. Original Sin (2001) -- How on Earth do you go wrong with Antonio Banderas and Angelina Jolie in the same film? What was meant to be a sultry story about a businessman marrying a secretive temptress turned into a big screen version of a primetime soap. These were extremely unlikeable characters, drawn up in a script that was aware of the leads' allure and tried too hard to sex the proceedings up. This tale of deception was in dire need of subtlety, as well as better chemistry. Adrian Lyne comes to mind for a new version. And the hot duo? That will take more reflection on my part and I might come back with a suggestion or two.

6. The Haunting (1999) -- I have never seen the 1963 original about a ghostly mansion interfering with a research study, but the remake dissolves into a CGI mess soon after it starts. The only good things here are the gorgeous set design and Catherine Zeta Jones's playful performance. A new version would be interesting, as long as there was a director who truly cared about ambiance and a cast with -- again -- better chemistry. I am thinking Roman Polanski as director and Carl Ellsworth as screenwriter.

7. Turbulence (1997) -- On some level, I like this film, even with its flimsy dialogue and plot holes. I have always thought that it should have been more popular; alas, it was not to be. This ride involving a flight attendant fighting a serial killer crashed and burned upon arrival. With sharper dialogue and more mind games between the two leads, you could really have something. How about David Koepp or Daniel Pyne writing and Len Wiseman directing?

8. The Covenant (2006) -- There are not too many decent genre pieces about male witches. In fact, I can barely think of any. This film about four teenagers dealing with secrets of their ancestry does not break that cycle. We get bad directing and writing all around, and the cast trying to wangle a good line here and there. The thing is, combining some elements from this film -- namely the story, set design and locations -- with a truly frightening screenplay could produce a very unique horror film. While you are at it, please leave out the whole hip teen element as well. Breck Eisner, who gave us the timely and ominous remake of The Crazies, comes to mind as the right director for this job.

9. Jade (1995) -- Ever since Basic Instinct redefined the thriller genre, there has been a slew of steamy femme fatale films taking over cinemas, including some authored by Joe Eszterhas himself. This film offers up some interesting characters and good twists, with a story of a businessman's murder that gets linked to a sex ring. Unfortunately, it tries so damn hard to be another Basic Instinct that it fails to nurture its own narrative. Still, let us give it some slack. According to Eszterhas's autobiography, the script was re-written so many times that he did not even want his name to be on the credits. Maybe the original draft can serve as the blueprint for a remake?

10. Hollow Man (2000) -- The notion of invisibility has amazing cinematic potential, not fulfilled in this tale of an egotistical scientist getting lost in his invention. It is too bad that this film suffers from a tacky, jumbled script and some horribly cheesy one-liners. A remake would be intriguing if, instead of sensationalizing the concept, it paid more attention to the principal character's psychological degeneration and the role that the invisibility serum might play in today's world. I see Rodrigo Cortés taking over this task.

What do you think? Are there any films that you believe deserve another opportunity to dazzle? Please feel free to comment, share, add and discuss.